Chapter 1 - 15

Alan sat down at the bench with his Orange Julius, a little bored with walking around. He had spent the past four hours going into every store, looking at all the price tags and trying to think of any reason at all he’d need to buy something, and hitting on every apparently-single woman above 18 he saw.

“How’s it going?” he called to a young well-dressed lady carrying a large Macy’s shopping bag. “Need any help?” She merely glanced his way, scowled, and continued walking.

“Excuse me, I’ve got a general question,” he said to a girl with many piercings and a few visible tattoos who was passing by. “Which one is your favorite?” The girl just rolled her eyes and walked away. Alan just shrugged and leaned back, taking another sip of his Julius.

He must admit that he wasn’t much to see, as he always wore a loose-fitting outfit of jeans and an ironic t-shirt, a day’s worth of stubble and a sloppy haircut, as well as being on the heavy side. He didn’t find himself too uncomely, but then he’d never had a second opinion. He had been to the bookstore a number of times and looked through “pick-up books” for any hints, but a lot of advice he didn’t have the resources to implement, and the rest seemed insincere, so he just stuck with the method of saying the first thing that came to his head. All this didn’t discourage him, however. A scattershot will eventually hit the target.

“Excuse me,” he called out again at a passing woman that he found stunning. “Oh, nevermind, it’s you.”